Hey Idiots! Endorses

Contrary to the whisper campaigns being conducted by fringe-elements of competing open-letter blogs, the staff at Hey Idiots! is aware a presidential campaign is taking place, and we are legally allowed to participate (those nasty witness-tampering charges have yet to make it to trial)(we will prevail, God willing…). To put any vicious slander about our collective civic awareness to rest, Hey Idiots offers a thoughtful, well-reasoned endorsement for the upcoming presidential election.

So without further ado, Hey Idiots! endorses James K. Polk for the Office of the Presidency.

American’s don’t agree on much these days, but current polling suggests a whopping 95% of Americans do not want to die in a terrorist fireball. And with terrorists peering around every corner, it’s vital our next president have legitimate foreign policy experience (and for the record Sarah Palin, being blessed with the sense of sight doesn’t count). Mr. Polk earned his Commander-in-Chief merit badge by successfully leading this country through the challenge of the Mexican-American War. And as if simply winning wasn’t enough, by signing the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, Mr. Polk ripped Texas, California, and the Southwest out of the hands of the Mexicans. This should prove attractive to the immigration enforcement wing of the right.

Terrorism and issues of foreign policy have been overshadowed in recent weeks by volatility in world markets. Americans have lost trillions of dollars in the faltering stock market, home values are plummeting, and the shaky economy has many worried over how they’ll make ends meet. Mr. Polk’s efforts to reduce tariffs will make foreign goods less expensive and put more money in the pockets of hard-working Americans and the reintroduction of the Federal Treasury will serve as a welcome redoubt for investors seeking stability in these troubling economic times.

While his roster of accomplishments is impressive, Mr Polk is not free of concern. Critics claim his expansionist efforts are nothing more than a crass ploy to expand the institution of slavery. Hey Idiots! is not prepared to say that thousands of brave American soldiers died merely to maintain the tenuous balance between slave-holding and non slave-holding states, but the failure to properly address the issue of slavery in this country, and the resulting so-called “compromise of 1850” could lead to much greater problems in, say, 14 or 15 years. We suggest Mr. Polk make this issue the centerpiece of his second term.

In these trying times, it’s clear to Hey Idiots! that James K Polk is the best choice to move America forward. So on November 4th, do your civic duty and mark your ballots accordingly.

God bless America!

- A Concerned Citizen