Dear Young Couple:
I understand it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other, and I’m sure it’s been excruciating. I bet at first you talked on the phone every night before you went to bed, and that you were the first person the other talked to when they woke up in the morning. And I bet you sent each other ridiculous, flirty text-messages every two minutes, and I’m sure there was a dirty cell phone picture or two thrown in the mix, and I’m sure you had to switch to the unlimited messaging plan from Cingular after you got your first cell phone bill.
I know you promised you’d only be apart for a few weeks, that this was a great opportunity that couldn’t be passed up, and that your relationship was strong enough to survive long-distance. And we all understand how things happen, and weeks turn into months, and months into years, but you saw each at least once a month and on holidays, and that it was tough but you were both making it work.
And I know you promised not to take your relationship for granted, but hey you’re both young and life’s short and we could all die any day so I understand how you might have stuck your hand down that girls pants at the club that one night last October. And I get that you only kissed that guy from the payroll department because you had one too many strawberry daiquiris at Chili’s celebrating Celeste’s promotion, and that daiquiris remind you of your first date at Chili’s, and I know how lonely that must have made you feel. But things happen, right? That’s life.
And I’m sure you both felt terrible about keeping secrets from the person you claimed to love. I get that the conversations were awkward, and were happening less and less and that neither of you were ready to tell the other why.
And I know after weeks of stilted telephone conversations you finally screwed up the courage to talk about what happened, and things got ugly and you decided it might be best if you didn’t talk to each other for a while so you could both sort out your feelings. And I know you both tried to date other people, but every time you did you couldn’t help but think about how the other person was doing, and that just wasn’t fair to anyone so you didn’t date at all for a long time.
And I know the whole thing started back up again after he sent that letter to you apologizing about the way he’d acted, and he said some really sweet things about how you’d changed him into a better person and how he felt like he couldn’t give that up over a stupid mistake. And I know how after watching Say Anything for the twentieth time you decided to emulate Ione Skye and “take a chance on England” even though the outcome was far from certain so you quit your job and told him you were coming home.
And I bet you’d been looking forward to this reunion for years. Imagining what it would be like to see each other in person after such a long time apart, and what it would feel like to finally hold each other again, and I’m sure that first kiss after so many missed kisses was especially sweet. But for my benefit, COULD YOU PLEASE NOT KISS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD!?!?!
Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen
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